#whatkindofwoman timid, brash, or brave

#whatkindofwoman Timid, Brash, or Brave?

Timid, Brash, or Brave? I’ve seen women too timid to speak up and raise a hand that they are drowning under years of broken boundaries and layers of heavy waters. Too scared to risk losing an old comfort—a relationship that was once sweet, pleasant, and life-giving—she is now drowning under the subtle yet dark and murky buildup she has allowed and doesn’t know how to address.


On the flip-side, I’ve also seen unwise, brash women exhibiting outlandish explosions of pent-up frustration and anger. So fired-up she lets her words fly off like missiles aimed to destroy. It’s a firestorm for sure, but she usually wears herself out rather quickly and is satisfied with herself for only the shortest moment. She becomes demoralized or even more brazen when she realizes the warzone she’s created, the cleanup she’s got in front of her, and the change she was hoping for nowhere in sight.


Being timid or brash have never won me anything good and long standing. Humility, grace, and honor have, but there’s nothing timid or brash about these. These require bravery.


Brave Women

Brave women, I’ve observed, have found a balance between timidity’s freezing fear and brashness’s lack of forethought. When brave we risk it all for the sake of our own sanity and peace by taking a strong and unyielding stand. This kind of woman steadily and quietly places one needed boundary after another, then simply stands firm. She speaks her mind with measured, processed, accurate, yet loving-honesty. She realizes others my walk away, but she and her dignity can still stand tall no matter what the outcome.


Don’t we all long to be that brave woman on a more consistent basis? For I’ve found myself flipflopping in the terrible rhythm of timidity to brashness and back like a restless sleeper. I’ve had enough.


What is Bravery?

I believe bravery comes from the well-tempered-self who processes pain, fear, and anger; who believes they are not alone, and takes the risk of loss with a jump of faith believing that they will be okay no matter what the outcome. It is the fine product the soul comes up with after it has weighed through the gamut of pros and cons, felt all the feelings down to the core, and cried out to God for wisdom, guidance, and direction. It is measured movement despite fear, despite potential loss. It is movement in faith.


Bravery is the defender of dignity. There is always uncertainty of outcome and a potential for personal loss. Yet, bravery determines that the stand itself is more important than the outcome. Either way, dignity (for self and/or others) is upheld and that is certainly a win.


So, why don’t we always choose dignity and bravery?


From Timid-to-Brave

The element of self-sacrifice found within bravery is too much of a gamble for the timid. They have felt the pain of loss and are scared to feel more. Often, when timid, I get hooked on the fear of more pain, loss, the idea of scarcity, and a victim’s circular mindset that does not allow me to feel the other side: the anger associated with broken boundaries and layered injustices.


The timid woman often takes too much time, scared to make a move, and produces very little or no action. Even though there is an element of wisdom in waiting that the brave hearted often remember, and the brash often forget, the timid don’t gather their strength up like dollar bills and make the purchase. Scarcity fools her to believe there will not be any more blessing on the other side.


She often forgets to consider what she will lose if she continues to remain timid. With no action when the time is right, she risks a slow death with absolute certainty. She becomes like the potted flower that stays trapped in the dark corner. She is just out of reach of the light. To step out into the light she may need to risk getting crushed; but either way, still or moving, she risks the death of dignity and loses her chances at abundant living.

Here are some common fears of my own when I was feeling especially timid, and the scriptures to combat such fears of: rejection, not having enough, being all alone, etc. There is power in processing all our fears through prayer and finding scripture to voice against our specific fears.


“Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.” – Deuteronomy 31:6 NKJV


“And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:19 NIV


The timid are often isolated. We can find strength as we bear our souls to other safe people. If you are feeling especially timid, try reaching outside of your own small circle for strength by using honesty and vulnerability. Continue meeting and strengthening your circle. You will be tempted to go back to isolation where it feels comfortable but dark. (Sometimes we can become accustomed to unhelpful, unhealthy things.)


Be careful not to let your new interactions become a sticky hotbed of gossip where you are validated but not strengthening yourself towards healthy change. Remember, you will have to make the final stand on your own. Let your new community and time with God become a springboard that echoes in your heart and mind behind you, “You are not alone; you can do this.”

From Brash-to-Brave

With bravery there is a quiet, yet stern strength not found in brashness. Bravery is resolute, calm, and purposeful; and takes more time to develop than quick-tempered brashness.


The brash woman risks compromising her own dignity with her untamed outbursts. She acts too quickly without wisdom and good timing by not having done her homework. Her homework is her processing her own anger in private before confrontation and finding the vulnerability underneath the anger.


She must get alone and let the anger burn down deep in her belly and let the anger crunch down her spine like lighting. Let it have its work; no storm lasts forever. Then sit quietly and see what lies underneath that anger. There is typically some underlying pain associated with the anger. This needs to be felt thoroughly. This brings new vulnerability to the table, changing our interactions with others. It also gets down to the root of the matter, finding the exact boundary that has been crossed and needs refurbishing.


Bravery: Finding the New Balance Between Brash and Timid

Oftentimes when I am tempted to be timid, I am not feeling the anger associated with the pain only the fear of further loss. When I am most amp to be brash, I am typically just feeling the anger without the vulnerability of feeling the pain as well. They need to balance each other out to create a brave response.


Like a still producing moonshine, we have the tools to process our anger, fear, pain, and feelings of loss into something brave, pure, honest, and surely powerful. The message of love and dignity (for ourselves and others) that results from this process is something we can proudly to stand behind. It is our truth and truth is typically potent, powerful, and non-negotiable.


“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” – 2 Timothy 1:7 NKJV

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” – 2 Timothy 1:7 NKJV

“I took you from the ends of the earth, from its farthest corners I called you. I said, ‘You are my servant’; I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” – Isaiah 41:9-10 NIV

``God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear``... - Psalm 46:1-2A NIV

``The truth ends every conversation.`` - Jerry Seinfeld

``Being brave enough to risk intimacy, to risk rejection, to risk failure; all of the best things come when you do that.`` - Cheryl Strayed

Bravery, Character Quality, Positivity Project

This post was inspired by the Positivity Project’s second character quality: Bravery.


Click on the image to read their write-up on this inspiring character quality.


Visit their website, PosProject.org, to read up on all 24 character qualities.